God made room for a lot of things in marriage. Things like love, grace, forgiveness, intimacy, honesty-He made plenty of room for all of it between spouses. But there’s just one thing I have been searching high and low for on that list. I have put it under a microscope looking for this one thing, but it seems that God must have accidentally left it out.
God did not make room in marriage for selfishness. He never intended for it to be there. But when it does creep in, it has to take the spot of something else. When selfishness finds its way into your marriage, things like forgiveness and grace find their way out. This isn’t because marriage was made to be a weak thing, only able to hold and support a small amount of emotion. It’s simply because selfishness just doesn’t belong.
I’ve been discovering that the more I put myself and the things that I feel that I am entitled to aside, the more I am finding God in my marriage. And not only that, I am also finding that my needs are being met even more now than when I constantly demanded them from my husband. The Lord created marriage to be a covenant in which both people’s sole focus was on the other one’s desires, needs and expectations. When both spouses are more diligent about fulfilling those things for the other person, a marriage experiences true strength.
Right before I got married, I had a friend tell me that the first time we disagree on which TV show to watch, I needed to let him watch what he wanted. It seemed silly and a bit insignificant at the time, but now I am realizing the complete opposite. When you throw selfishness aside in the little things, it adds up. Those things will happen daily, even hourly, and you will always have the opportunity to choose to fight for the interests of yourself or those of your spouse. Begin to practice in the mundane parts of life, and when those big things come around, you will be more likely to choose to be selfless.
God’s intent for His children to be bonded with one another, abandoned to oneself, is the world’s second most wonderful love story! He is so passionate, so on fire about your marriage and the powerful potential it has. When you rid your marriage of selfishness, you will not believe the love and grace that will be unleashed.
“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interest of the others.”